Him: Why Does MY Girl Have to Wear a scarf to bed?

“The women that I date, they don’t wear scarves to bed. … You look like Aunt Jemima in a candy store.”

T.O.

I don’t think that some men understand how much pride women take in their hair. We don’t just take care of it for our well being, but to look good for our man/woman as well. Some even do it to attract other men/women. It irks me when men talk about how they don’t like when women wear scarves on their head to bed. I have one thing in response to that: ARE YOU CRAZY?! There is nothing scarier than an angry woman pissed because something has affected her way of looking good. When one thing goes wrong with the way we look, than EVERYTHING is wrong.

I did my own personal experiment by not wearing a scarf to bed… it wasn’t a good look in the morning. If you’re a black woman like me, that has hair that doesn’t curl up when it gets wet, but gets nappy instead, and can’t stay straight without some control to it, then you feel where I’m coming from. There is a HUGE process to a black woman’s hair. Let me explain it to you:

1. Shampoo hair 3-4 times.

2. Put conditioner in the hair and let it sit for 15-30 minutes. If you have a head dryer then you can sit under that to get more of a bouncy and healthy effect on your hair.

3. Wash the conditioner out.

4. Blow dry hair.

5. Press hair with a flat iron.

6. Curl hair if a specific style is wanted.

7. Spray hair with any type of sheen.

This process can take up to two hours. If we just went to sleep and woke up the next morning do you think that our hair would even look the same as it did the day before? NO! It’s not.

I’m not denying that some women can go to bed without a scarf and have their hair be fine in the morning, but not every woman has the same type of hair. Not every black woman has the same type of hair. I look at my mother and wonder why she doesn’t wear a scarf to bed, but I then realize, her hair is tamed and she sleeps on a satin/silk pillow cover. Even for her towards the end of the week her hair needs a little help.

“What bothers me is when she wears it outside the house. Besides, I’m a hair person so whatever it takes for her to keep the hair lookin’ right.” (Anonymous) Name Withheld

If you feel like the quote above, then I perfectly understand you. I don’t think that a woman should walk out the house with a scarf on. It’s not an appropriate thing. It goes back to what my mother has taught me, “You represent your family and your boyfriend/husband when you go out the house, but most importantly you represent YOU. So you never know who you will see when you go out the house. Most importantly, you will never know who will see you.” There is a time and a place for everything… the scarf is for HOME at ALL times. I also believe that this issue goes for both ways. I couldn’t stand when my boyfriends at the time would walk out the house with a “wave cap” aka scarf on as well, especially when it was time for them to meet my parents.

Even if you do not like when your girl wears a scarf to bed, it doesn’t change her as a person. She’s with you, right? When you go to sleep it’s her next to you and when you wake up its still her next to you. Also, even though she may put her scarf on does not mean she will not get down to the “business” with you.

P.S.

Dear T.O.,

I’ve seen your daughter’s hair… She will be wearing a scarf as well soon.